Today, I have the honour of being joined by the one and only Iris McAlpin. Iris is a certified trauma coach and a Master NARM® Practitioner who specializes in treating self-sabotage, eating disorders, and complex trauma. After struggling with bulimia, complex trauma, and depression for over a decade, Iris became determined to understand what was fuelling her self-destructive behaviors and troubling symptoms. This eventually led her to an in-depth study of trauma, which resulted in a radical personal transformation. She now helps people all over the world overcome similar struggles through trauma-informed education, group programs, and individual coaching.
In this episode, Iris and Lucie discuss how the parent and food are so deeply connected. When there are disruptions to the parent/child bond, key aspects of that bond (nurturing, nourishment, pleasure, soothing, etc.) become threatened and the child can experience scarcity. The child needs a caregiver to survive, and the child knows this at the primitive/unconscious level. So, a threat to the attachment relationship activates our internal alarm to suggest, “The attachment failure is your fault, figure out what is needed to bond and change!” We internalize blame as kids because 1) we are in an ego-centric stage where everything is about us, and 2) becasue it allows us to have a sense of control (e.g., “If I can change myself, then maybe I’ll get my needs met”).
The pain and challenge of not feeling accepted and therefore unsafe can disrupt our neurobiological needs for a secure attachment. When there are disruptions in the parent/child connection, the aspects of that connection (nurturing, pleasure, soothing, etc.) become threatened and the child can experience scarcity. The attempt to soothe is often primitive (unconscious) and can create a life-long battle with an object (like food, alcohol, etc.) as though we are void without IT. But the work to heal the void we felt about the root, the PARENT. Reaching for objects that provide pleasure, soothing, etc. is often an unconscious attempt to fulfill neurobiological needs for nurturing.
Listen to this important conversation on the connection between trauma and eating disorders.
